Welcome to the club!
Your Saturn Return happens approximately every 29 years, when Saturn's orbit brings it back to the location it was at the time of your birth. The first Saturn Return is usually a time where life throws you the challenges you need to learn to fully embrace your adulthood, to accept full responsibility for the life you live. I once heard that your life before your first Saturn Return is largely a karmic result of your child hood and past lives (if you believe in that sort of thing). But after your Saturn Return your life is now what YOU have made it. It is a direct result of the decisions you've made in this lifetime. I love to think of it that way because I've learned that adulthood is mostly just about taking responsibility for your shit. For your whole life. You are the one who created your situation. There's no one to blame or to praise but yourself.
So welcome to the Saturn Return Book Club! As someone who is currently in the thick of my Saturn Return, I have been devouring "self-help" books. It has been a challenging time, but I feel so much gratitude for the people who have taken the time and energy to pour their wisdom into books (and podcasts for that matter) and share them with the world. I find it to be truly amazing that I am able to have teachers all over the world.
And so I want to share those resources with you. I'm excited to announce the first book in the series—You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life by Jen Sincero. This book came to me at the perfect time. I had been silently struggling big time with anxiety and depression. And that was being multiplied by the fact that at work I had a lot of people counting on me to be "creative" full time. I felt crippled by the pressure of my to-do list. My creative energy felt sapped—probably because I was using all my energy freaking myself out about what a failure I was for not finishing my projects and what people would think of me. I was at a breaking point.
So I decided to take a leap and do something scary—to be vulnerable and honest. To let myself "fail". To let go of my fear of not being good enough. Because my fear of death by heart attack at age 28 was much greater than my fear of "failure" at this point. I decided to quit trying to uphold my identity as someone who is always positive and never misses a deadline. I emailed my bosses and opened up about the struggles I was having with anxiety and depression. And that changed everything. It was the first time in my life I had let someone beside my partner or close friends see the wounded, unperfect part of me. It was the most freeing thing.
They responded with love and support. And that was life changing. To think—I could still be accepted even if I wasn't "perfect"?! To be vulnerable and not be rejected. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. And the next day my sweet boss gave me this book. I immediately was drawn to the title because when I was younger and people would call me cute, I would always say "I'm not cute—I'm a badass!" So on the bus ride home that evening I began reading. And man did it resonate with me.
In this book Jen Sincero said a lot of the things I already knew, but just didn't want to admit. A lot of it is common sense. A lot of it is also mind blowing. And hilarious too. It reminded me of my own power. Of the true gravity of our thoughts and habits. Not to mention—it forced me to come to serious terms about my relationship with money. I can't recommend it enough if you're in a place where you're ready to stop making excuses and take responsibility for your life.
If you've made it this far, thank you for reading! My intention with the Saturn Return Book Club isn't necessarily to write book reviews, but to use the books I'm reading as a jumping off point for conversations and connection. I've always been the kind of person to keep my struggles to myself, but I've learned that opening up and being my authentic self is incredibly healing and liberating. And when others are honest about their internal struggles too, it makes me feel like I'm not just a crazy person and most importantly that I'm not alone. So I hope that this maybe helped you in some way to feel less alone and more empowered. Stay tuned for the next book on my list! And please reach out with any and all recommendations, questions, comments, etc. I would love to connect with you.
"When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."